ATTN: Spies

Alright...these are the things on my investigation list:
1. Brigitte Neilsen -- I don't think this needs explanation. As Charo says, "She's one crazy beetch"
2. Gwen Stefani's solo album (hello, collaboration with Andre 3000 and New Order??? I couldn't ask for more.) Sorry Kim, I know you hate her...but I will have to get this album.
3. Ted Leo and The Pharmacists. I need to investigate if he needs any more back-up pharmacists. I don't think I want to become a real pharmacist. I only want to become a pharmacist in a band. I think that makes perfect sense. So if anyone knows Ted, I'm going to pass my CV along to him.
4. I also need to investigate if Zach Braff wants a girlfriend. I just have this feeling I might know someone that's perfect for him.
5. Infinite Jest -- the book that I'm starting tonight. I think its going to be a huge endeavour to read the 1000+ pages of it. I hope its worth it. I'm going to make sure I don't deposit hairs in all of the pages like a certain Sean does. That is so disgusting.
There are always 1000 things worth investigating...but these are the top 5 on my list for this weekend.